Engaged Listening Skills Practice
Practice seven listening skills with a partner, then find out how each one landed
Engaged Listening Skills Practice
Practice seven listening skills with a partner, then find out how each one landed
Engaged Listening Skills Practice
Practice seven listening skills with a partner, then find out how each one landed
Good listening is a set of small, separate skills, and each one can be practiced on its own. Counselor training has taught it this way for a long time: by 2011, the microskills approach had been the dominant way to train beginning counseling students for more than four decades (Ridley et al., 2011). The same skills work at a kitchen table, in a car, or on a phone call.
They also change how a conversation feels. In one experiment with 115 people, those whose conversation partner had been trained to answer with active listening felt more understood than those whose partner gave advice or simple acknowledgments (Weger et al., 2014).
To practice, pair up and set a timer for five minutes. The speaker picks a real topic with low stakes, such as a frustrating commute or a trip they are planning. The listener uses only the seven skills in the table: no advice, no stories about themselves, no changing the subject. When the timer goes off, the listener sums up what they heard in three or four sentences, and the speaker says what was accurate and what was missed. Then switch roles with a new topic. For more ways to reflect, see Reflective Listening Skills.
- Fill in your partner's name and the topic the speaker picked at the top. The table is for your turn as the listener.
- Right after your turn, go down the rows. In "What I said or did," write the words or actions you actually used for that skill, such as "put my phone in my bag" or "So the move is set for June." Leave the row blank if you skipped that skill.
- Ask the speaker how each one came across, and write their answer in "How the speaker said it landed."
- In "One thing to try next time," write one small change for that skill.
- Once you have both had a turn, answer the questions in the boxes below.
Practice partner
Topic the speaker picked
| Listening skill | What I said or did | How the speaker said it landed | One thing to try next time |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attending: turn toward them, phone out of sight, small nods and "mm-hm" | |||
| Open questions: start with "what," "how" or "tell me about"; go easy on "why" | |||
| Paraphrasing: restate the main point in fewer words of your own | |||
| Reflecting feelings: name the emotion you hear, offered as a guess | |||
| Affirming: point out a real strength or effort, specific and without flattery | |||
| Summarizing: pull several points together in two or three sentences | |||
| Holding off on advice: ask before offering ideas, and save your own story |
What was hardest to hold back (advice, my own story, a change of subject), and what I did with that pull
When I was the speaker: the moment I felt most understood, and what my partner was doing right then
One skill I'll use on purpose in a real conversation this week, and who I'll try it with
References
- Ridley, C. R., Kelly, S. M., & Mollen, D. (2011). Microskills training: Evolution, reexamination, and call for reform. The Counseling Psychologist, 39(6), 800-824. https://doi.org/10.1177/0011000010378438
- Weger, H., Castle Bell, G., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234
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See also
Clinical guides that use this worksheet
Common Questions
What is the Engaged Listening Skills Practice worksheet?
Good listening is a set of small, separate skills, and each one can be practiced on its own. Counselor training has taught it this way for a long time: by 2011, the microskills approach had been the dominant way to train beginning counseling students for more than four decades (Ridley et al., 2011).
How do I use the Engaged Listening Skills Practice worksheet?
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