Opposite Action: Changing an Emotion by Acting Against Its Urge
The DBT emotion regulation skill for emotions that do not fit the facts or are not working
Opposite Action: Changing an Emotion by Acting Against Its Urge
The DBT emotion regulation skill for emotions that do not fit the facts or are not working
Opposite Action: Changing an Emotion by Acting Against Its Urge
The DBT emotion regulation skill for emotions that do not fit the facts or are not working
Every emotion arrives with an action urge. Fear says run, anger says attack, shame says hide, sadness says withdraw. When the emotion fits the situation and acting on the urge helps, the urge is doing its job. When it does not fit, or acting on it makes life smaller, DBT teaches opposite action: doing the thing the emotion is urging you not to do, all the way, until the emotion shifts (Linehan, 2015). It is the same mechanism that makes exposure work for anxiety, applied to the full range of emotions. This sheet explains how to decide whether an emotion is justified, what the opposite action is for each common emotion, and why half-hearted opposite action does not work. For the companion skill that comes first, see Check the Facts; for the body-based skills that bring intensity down enough to use this one, see TIPP.
Step One: Two Questions, Four Answers
- Name the emotion, its intensity, and its urge Say what you feel, rate it from 0 to 100, and say what it is pushing you to do: anger pushing toward a sharp text, shame pushing toward cancelling plans, fear pushing toward avoiding the appointment. If you cannot name the urge, the Emotion Expression Tracker is the place to practice.
- Does the emotion fit the facts? Use Check the Facts. Fear fits when there is a real threat to your life, health, or well-being, or someone's you care about. Anger fits when an important goal is blocked, or you or someone you care about is attacked, insulted, or threatened. Check intensity and duration as well as fit: irritation fits being cut off in traffic; road rage does not, even though the trigger is real.
- Is acting on the emotion effective? Ask Wise Mind, the state that holds both the feeling and the facts (see Finding Your Wise Mind). A justified emotion can still carry an urge that would make things worse. Justified anger at a boss does not make shouting at the boss effective.
- Fits and effective: act on it, and solve the problem The emotion is information. Act on the urge, stay mindful of the emotion, and problem-solve the situation that produced it so it stops recurring.Example: Anger at a roommate who keeps eating your food fits and is effective when expressed directly. The problem-solving step is the conversation and the labeled shelf.
- Fits but not effective: opposite action The emotion is right and acting on it would cost you. Do not act on the urge; use opposite action on the urge itself.
- Does not fit, not effective: change the thoughts, then opposite action Correct the interpretation with Check the Facts, then act opposite to the urge. Most opposite action work lives here.
- Does not fit but effective: act, and accept the consequences Rare, and worth naming. Stay mindful of the emotion, act, accept what follows without complaint, and reconsider opposite action if it keeps happening.
Opposite Actions for Common Emotions
- Fear: approach Do what you are afraid of, over and over, and approach the events, places, tasks, and people you avoid; do things that build a sense of control and mastery over the fear. All the way means eyes and ears open and focused on the feared thing rather than the exit, taking in the evidence that you are safe, head up and shoulders back with a confident voice, and paced breathing to change the body chemistry.Example: A client afraid of phone calls makes one call a day, starting with the least threatening, and stays on the line to the end.
- Anger: gently avoid, then be kind Gently avoid the person rather than attacking, take a time out and breathe slowly in and out, and be kind rather than cutting. All the way means imagining understanding for the other person and genuinely good reasons for what they did, unclenching hands into willing hands with palms up, relaxing the jaw and face into a half-smile, and paced breathing or a hard nonviolent workout to change the body chemistry.Example: After a partner forgets a commitment, the client takes a walk, then makes them tea rather than opening with the list of past failures.
- Sadness: get active Do things that build a sense of competence and pleasure, and approach rather than withdraw. Keep the head up, make eye contact, and keep the voice at normal volume. This is Behavioral Activation by another name.Example: Instead of cancelling on the Saturday hike, the client goes, and notices the sadness lift about an hour in.
- Shame: talk about it When the shame does not fit (nothing was done that your community would reject), tell the secret to people who will accept it, repeat the behavior openly, and keep your posture open. Hiding confirms shame; being seen and accepted dissolves it.Example: A client ashamed of a diagnosis tells one trusted friend, who responds with warmth, and the shame drops from an 8 to a 4.
- Guilt: repair or let go When guilt fits, apologize, repair, and commit to change. When it does not fit, do the behavior again openly and do not apologize for it. See The Anatomy of an Effective Apology for the repair side.
- Jealousy: let go of controlling Stop the checking and questioning, share things rather than guarding them, and relax the body. Suspicion without evidence is a case for Check the Facts first.
Doing It All the Way, Step by Step
- Identify opposite actions to each urge Not only the headline action. Fear's urge includes looking away, standing small, and speaking quietly; the opposite action includes each of those.
- Act opposite all the way Opposite action includes posture, facial expression, tone, and what you say to yourself. Approaching a feared thing with a braced body and a running commentary of dread is exposure with one foot out the door.
- Repeat until the emotion changes One opposite action rarely shifts an emotion that has been practiced for years. The skill works through repetition, in the same way that exposure works through repetition.
- Do not use it to suppress justified, effective emotions Opposite action for an emotion that fits and works is avoidance in disguise. Grief after a loss is justified; the opposite action of sadness is for depression that has outlasted its cause, not for mourning.
When to Get Help Now
- If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or go to the nearest emergency department.
- If the urge you are working against is self-harm, use a Personal Crisis Safety Plan with a clinician rather than this sheet alone.
References
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Related DBT Worksheets
View all DBT →PLEASE: Building Emotional Resilience Through Self-Care
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DBTSelf-Soothe with the Five Senses: A Distress Tolerance Kit
The DBT skill for calming the body through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch
See also
Clinical guides that use this worksheet
Common Questions
What is the Opposite Action: Changing an Emotion by Acting Against Its Urge worksheet?
Every emotion arrives with an action urge. Fear says run, anger says attack, shame says hide, sadness says withdraw. When the emotion fits the situation and acting on the urge helps, the urge is doing its job.
How do I use the Opposite Action: Changing an Emotion by Acting Against Its Urge worksheet?
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