Cope Ahead: Rehearsing a Hard Situation Before It Happens

The Five Steps

1. Describe the situation that is likely to prompt the emotion Be specific: who is there, where, what is said, what the trigger moment is. Check the facts as you do this, so the rehearsal is for the situation as it is likely to be rather than the catastrophe. Then name the emotions and the action urges most likely to get in the way of using your skills.Example: Thanksgiving at my mother's. Around dessert she will ask why I am not seeing anyone. My brother will laugh.
2. Decide which coping or problem-solving skills you will use Name the skills and write out exactly how you will use them: the words for the DEAR MAN, the opposite action, the TIPP skill, the exit plan.Example: Paced breathing under the table; a rehearsed one-line answer; a walk to the car at the first sign of a 7 out of 10.
3. Imagine the situation as vividly as you can First person, present tense, in the room. Include the feelings that arise; a rehearsal that skips the emotion rehearses nothing.
4. Rehearse coping effectively, in your mind See yourself using the skills, saying the words, doing the breathing, walking to the car: your actions, your thoughts, what you say and how you say it. Then rehearse coping with new problems that come up, and rehearse coping with your most feared catastrophe. The second and third rehearsals are the useful ones.
5. Practice relaxation after rehearsing Finish with something that brings the body down: paced breathing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, a short walk. Rehearsal raises arousal, and ending high teaches the body that the situation is dangerous.

Build Mastery: The Skill That Comes With It

• One thing a day that builds a sense of accomplishment Cope Ahead shares a handout with Build Mastery, and the two work together: a person who has done something difficult today walks into the hard situation with evidence that they can. Plan at least one such thing daily.
• Plan for success, then raise the bar slowly Choose something difficult but possible. If the first task was too hard, make the next one a little easier; if it was too easy, make the next one a little harder. The goal is a steady record of getting through things rather than a single heroic effort.

Making It Work

• Rehearse more than once Two or three rehearsals over the days before the event are more effective than one long one the night before.
• Write the plan down and take it with you A card in a pocket with three lines: the trigger, the skill, the exit. Reading it in the bathroom at the event is a legitimate use.
• Review afterward What happened, which skills were used, what worked. The review is the material for the next Cope Ahead, and the Mapping the Behavioral Sequence sheet is the tool if it went badly.