Planned Ignoring and the Attention Economy

Why children work for attention, and how to stop feeding the small misbehaviors

Family & ParentingInfo SheetFree ResourceLast reviewed April 2026

Why children work for attention, and how to stop feeding the small misbehaviors

Planned Ignoring and the Attention Economy

Why children work for attention, and how to stop feeding the small misbehaviors

Children work for attention, and to a young child almost any attention will do, including a sigh, a lecture, or an exasperated 'stop that.' Many small, annoying behaviors are really bids for your attention, and they shrink when that attention is withdrawn. This handout shows you the routine: ignore the behavior while staying warm to the child, then praise the moment it stops. It also covers what you can safely ignore, what you must never ignore, and why these behaviors usually spike before they fade. The approach comes from differential-attention research used in programs like Forehand and McMahon's Helping the Noncompliant Child, Webster-Stratton's Incredible Years, and Kazdin's parent management training (McMahon & Forehand, 2003; Kazdin, 2005).

The Attention Economy

Attention is the currency: Your attention is the single most valuable thing you give your child, and children will work to get it in whatever way reliably pays out. If whining or clowning or low-level defiance reliably turns your head, those behaviors get funded, and funded behaviors grow.

Even negative attention pays: Eye contact, a reaction on your face, 'how many times do I have to tell you,' a long explanation of why to stop. To a child hungry for your attention, all of that is a payout. This is why scolding a minor behavior over and over often makes it happen more, not less.

This works on the small stuff: Planned ignoring is for the minor, attention-seeking behaviors: whining, sulking, pouting, interrupting, mild backtalk, silly noises, and small tantrums thrown for an audience. The safety section below covers what it is never for.

The Planned Ignoring Routine

Decide in advance which behaviors you will ignore, so the plan is already made before the whining starts.
The moment the behavior starts, withdraw all attention. No eye contact, no talking, no facial expression. A blank, neutral face gives the behavior nothing to feed on, and even an eye-roll or a sigh counts as a payout.
Turn your body slightly away, but stay in the room. Keep your own body calm: unclench, breathe, relax your face. You are ignoring the behavior, not abandoning the child.
The instant the behavior stops, turn back and give warm, specific praise within a second or two: 'Thank you for asking in your regular voice.' Praise is half the technique. Ignoring teaches your child what stops earning your attention; praise teaches what earns it instead. Name the calm, patient behavior you want more of, so your child knows exactly what to repeat.
Run it the same way every single time. Consistency, not intensity, is what retrains the pattern.

What to Ignore, and What Never to Ignore

Safe to plan to ignore: Whining, nagging, pouting, sulking, interrupting, minor backtalk, silly or annoying noises, mild complaining, and small attention-seeking defiance. These are irritating, but they are not dangerous, and they run on your attention.

Never ignore these: Aggression, hitting, kicking, biting, anything that could hurt your child or someone else, destroying property, and any genuinely dangerous behavior. These get an immediate, calm response every time. Stop the behavior, make sure everyone is safe, and if you use time-out, this is where it belongs. Safety is never on the ignore list.

Expect It to Get Worse First

Why it gets worse: In behavior therapy, cutting off the reinforcement that keeps a behavior alive is called extinction. When a behavior that has always paid suddenly stops paying, it does not fade quietly. It usually surges first, as your child tries the old strategy harder, louder, and longer before giving it up. Behavior analysts have documented this spike for decades, and it is less likely when ignoring is paired with warm attention for the behavior you want instead (Lerman & Iwata, 1995), which is exactly why praise is built into the routine above.

The extinction burst is normal: The whining gets louder, the tantrum gets bigger, the interruptions come faster. The burst means the ignoring is working: your child has noticed the old payout is gone and is testing whether a bigger version will bring it back.Example: A child who used to whine for two minutes may whine for ten the first few times you ignore it. Hold steady and it shrinks over the following days.

Do not cave during the burst: If you give in when the behavior peaks, you teach your child the worst possible lesson: that louder and longer eventually pays off. Now the behavior is stronger than before. Decide in advance that you will ride out the burst, and it will settle.

References

Kazdin, A. E. (2005). Parent Management Training: Treatment for Oppositional, Aggressive, and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents. Oxford University Press.
Lerman, D. C., & Iwata, B. A. (1995). Prevalence of the extinction burst and its attenuation during treatment. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 28(1), 93-94.
McMahon, R. J., & Forehand, R. L. (2003). Helping the Noncompliant Child: Family-Based Treatment for Oppositional Behavior (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Webster-Stratton, C. (2006). The Incredible Years: A Trouble-Shooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 2-8 Years. Incredible Years Press.

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Common Questions

What is the Planned Ignoring and the Attention Economy worksheet?

' Many small, annoying behaviors are really bids for your attention, and they shrink when that attention is withdrawn. This handout shows you the routine: ignore the behavior while staying warm to the child, then praise the moment it stops.

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