Love Languages: Five Ways Partners Show Care
Write down how you each like to receive care and how you tend to show it, then compare notes
Love Languages: Five Ways Partners Show Care
Write down how you each like to receive care and how you tend to show it, then compare notes
Love Languages: Five Ways Partners Show Care
Write down how you each like to receive care and how you tend to show it, then compare notes
The idea of love languages comes from a book by Gary Chapman, which describes five ways people give and receive love (Chapman, 1992). The five styles give couples simple words for what feels caring, which makes them a handy way to open a conversation.
The research is more modest than the book. A 2024 review concluded that the studies, taken together, do not give strong support to three of the book's central ideas: that each person has one preferred language, that there are exactly five, and that couples are happier when partners speak each other's preferred language (Impett et al., 2024). The review's authors suggest love works more like a balanced diet, where people need a full range of nutrients for a relationship to last. A separate line of research looks at responsiveness: partners understanding, valuing and supporting each other in the needs and goals that matter to them. In one major account of this work, responsiveness strengthens both the relationship and each person in it (Reis & Clark, 2013).
So read the five styles as clues to what helps your partner feel understood and cared for. Neither of you can pass or fail this page. If you'd like a starting point, each take the Love Languages Quiz on your own first. For ideas to put into practice this week, see Love Languages Assessment: Identify Your Preferences.
- Each partner fills in a separate copy on their own first. Write your name and your partner's name at the top.
- Go down the rows one style at a time. In "How I like to receive it," write what that style looks like when it reaches you, as specifically as you can (a note on the bathroom mirror, a Saturday walk with no errands).
- In "How I tend to show it," write what you usually do for your partner in that style. Leave a cell blank if nothing comes to mind.
- In "What I'd like more of from you," write one small request you could picture your partner doing this week.
- Use the last row for anything that makes you feel cared for and doesn't fit the five.
- Then sit down together, swap pages, and talk through the questions in the boxes below.
My name
My partner's name
| Style | How I like to receive it | How I tend to show it | What I'd like more of from you |
|---|---|---|---|
| Words of affirmation: saying or writing what you notice and value in them | |||
| Quality time: undivided attention, with phones put away | |||
| Receiving gifts: a small, chosen thing that says "I was thinking about you" | |||
| Acts of service: doing something that lightens their load | |||
| Physical touch: affection through contact, both everyday and sexual | |||
| Something else that helps me feel cared for (write your own) |
A day in the past month I felt really cared for by you: what you did, and why it landed
Something meant as caring that missed the mark, and what would have worked better
One small thing each of us will try this week (check in about it on Sunday)
References
- Chapman, G. (1992). The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Northfield Publishing.
- Impett, E. A., Park, H. G., & Muise, A. (2024). Popular psychology through a scientific lens: Evaluating love languages from a relationship science perspective. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 33(2), 87-92. https://doi.org/10.1177/09637214231217663
- Reis, H. T., & Clark, M. S. (2013). Responsiveness. In J. A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of close relationships (pp. 400-424). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195398694.013.0018
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See also
Common Questions
What is the Love Languages: Five Ways Partners Show Care worksheet?
The idea of love languages comes from a book by Gary Chapman, which describes five ways people give and receive love (Chapman, 1992). The five styles give couples simple words for what feels caring, which makes them a handy way to open a conversation. The research is more modest than the book.
How do I use the Love Languages: Five Ways Partners Show Care worksheet?
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